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Jul. 4th, 2010

A friend keeps telling me that I'm a good man.

Right now though, I can't help but think that I'd rather be a lucky man.

Just once. Please.

Jun. 3rd, 2010

I really am cursed.

Jun. 2nd, 2010

Saint Jude, Hope of the Hopeless, Pray for me.

I've never been a perfect person and I probably never will be. I can only pledge to be and do better. I don't know what else to do or where else to turn. I've have lost and found my faith so many times. I don't know where else to turn.
Did you ever just have a lot to say but no one to say it all to?

I'm having one those moments.

I have a lot to say but no one to say it to.

Fuck.

Dec. 10th, 2008

I was wrong.

Hope is one of the worst things a person can have.
Has anyone else ever noticed that whenever you decide to give up on something the universe comes along with a big pile of hope and says, "have some it tastes great."

The universe has done that to me this week and you know what, hope tastes delicious.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
-Andy Dufresne, "The Shawshank Redemption"
White Flag

I've said it before
Now I'll say it again
I surrender
It was an uphill struggle
With little chance of victory
So I'll raise my white flag
Before I'm in too deep
While I can still walk away
So maybe I live
To fight another day.

Resignation is a beautifully cruel thing.

I can't believe it's been almost six months since I posted anything here, though I doubt anyone missed me. The saddest part is that I have nothing new to report. New poem though and I'll assume you can all figure out what it means. Peace.

The Fool

I can't believe it
I've gone and done it again
Fallen hard for something
That I can never have
And will never happen
Everyone around said no
Everything inside said stop
But I didn't listen
I never do
It just keeps happening
And it always turns out the same
A few brief moments
Of something resembling joy
Followed by a vicious cycle
Of my three old friends
Cigarettes, whiskey and sad songs
Just once I'll listen to everyone
For that matter, listen to myself
But for now I'll do this all once more
Trade in my logic for blind optimism
And play my old, familiar role
As the hopeful fool
Destined to end up
With a broken heart.
Ghost
Tonight I learned, in painful detail
What it feels like to be a ghost
It only took a second, maybe even less
Like a star eclipsed by a moon
I was there
And then I was gone
And there wasn't a thing I could do about it
Nothing I could have done
Nothing I could have said
Would have made you see me
So I'll just shake my head
Lie and say it's for the best
As I fade into the background
Nonexistent, just another ghost.

This goes with last night's post. One day I want to be the brightest star.
Today was such a gorgeous day and where was I? I was inside sick.

I fucking hate being sick. And this week of all weeks. I have so much work to do but I can only stop coughing for more than five minutes if I'm doped off my ass on codeine cough syrup (which tastes like crap by the way). Fuck.