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I can't believe it's been almost six months since I posted anything here, though I doubt anyone missed me. The saddest part is that I have nothing new to report. New poem though and I'll assume you can all figure out what it means. Peace.

The Fool

I can't believe it
I've gone and done it again
Fallen hard for something
That I can never have
And will never happen
Everyone around said no
Everything inside said stop
But I didn't listen
I never do
It just keeps happening
And it always turns out the same
A few brief moments
Of something resembling joy
Followed by a vicious cycle
Of my three old friends
Cigarettes, whiskey and sad songs
Just once I'll listen to everyone
For that matter, listen to myself
But for now I'll do this all once more
Trade in my logic for blind optimism
And play my old, familiar role
As the hopeful fool
Destined to end up
With a broken heart.

Comments

( 7 Spoke — Speak )
jinxhart
Nov. 25th, 2008 10:47 pm (UTC)
Well, I miss you! Thanks for posting your poem. You said a lot in this entry without having to really be explicit, which shows you're skilled with words. I like your poem, but I'm sorry you're feeling down. I still think about you all the time and wonder how you're doing. Don't hold back posting even if it's just the same old same old. I miss reading you. :(

**hugs**
sam3_old_story
Nov. 28th, 2008 05:09 am (UTC)
I wouldn't say I'm feeling down. I just don't understand how this keeps happening to me, you'd think I would've learned by now. If you'd like to know the whole story, I'd be glad to tell you. It might even feel good to tell it to someone who doesn't think I'm crazy or stupid.

Anyways, yeah I'm still kicking and aside from a few little things, I'm not doing too bad.

BTW, are you on Facebook?
jinxhart
Nov. 28th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC)
No, I don't have a Facebook, but I'm on Myspace if ya wanna add me there: http://www.myspace.com/jinxhart.

:)

Sure, you can tell me the whole story. You've got my email right?
sam3_old_story
Nov. 30th, 2008 06:58 pm (UTC)
Ok Yahoo has decided to hold my address book hostage (I think it's jealous of my Gmail) so I'll just do this here.

So rewind back to September, the new semester starts. I go to class the first day, sleepwalk through my 8:30 class, it comes time for the second class which is my meteorology lab. I don't know anybody so I just take a seat. Slowly the lab table fills up, it's me, three other guys and this girl. Basic introductions and nothing more, we do the assignment and leave.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I'm in lab again. Someone says something and off of that I crack a joke. She laughs. It's important to note that it was a joke that only a few people would understand so I'm intrigued. So I ask her about it and we get to talking. Over the course of the conversation I find out that we have a lot of common interests, like a lot of the some movies and bands and just generally enjoy the same things.

So now during the lecture we sit together, we eat together, we walk together. We've obviously connected and by mid-October I've kind of fallen for her. Trouble is, I come to find out she has a boyfriend. Also by this point people have seen us around campus and make comments like "wow you two are a great together."

The stupid part is I know that I have almost zero chance and yet I keep trying. I just feel like such an idiot. And that's the story. Am I crazy, stupid, or mass amounts of both?
jinxhart
Dec. 1st, 2008 10:27 pm (UTC)
Well, everything sounded good until you told me she had a boyfriend. I know that people do leave their significant others for other people, but it doesn't happen often and when it does I doubt the chance of success is high. I know you have a tendency to go after girls who are somewhat involved... I'm sure you don't do it on purpose, but maybe before getting too close to someone you should find out the preliminaries?

If she does leave her boyfriend for you, what are the chances something like that won't happen down the line? She'll find someone else while you two are together? See what I mean? Personally I never trust those people/relationships. But I'm not there, I don't know the depth of your relationship, only that it means something to you. You're not crazy or stupid, you're just lonely. And I think you need to find another lonely person (they are out there, just hard to find). And stop using your energy on people who are involved with other people. I think you wouldn't get hurt unnecessarily anymore.

Sorry for being so harsh. I'm just very blunt (and opinionated). It's really up to you if you want to pursue her and if it feels right. I could be wrong. Lord knows I am quite often. Good luck with whatever you decide and damn well let me know!! *hugs*

sam3_old_story
Dec. 2nd, 2008 01:07 am (UTC)
Thank you for your brutal honesty, everyone else I know has danced around it; given me, essentially, the "win one for the gipper" speech; or given me the inspirational "stiff upper lip/things will get better" nonsense.

And I won't need luck because I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm spitting into the wind and hoping for something that can't happen. So luck doesn't matter.
jinxhart
Dec. 3rd, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
No prob. This probably doesn't help but...

I had to go through A LOT of disappoints before I found Kevin. In fact, I had completely given up on trying and decided to forget boys and focus on school and work. And of course, that's when I met Kevin. As the cliche goes: when you stop looking for it, you find it. I mean I had GIVEN UP. Even when I met Kevin I was suspicious that it wouldn't work out given my previous luck, but hey. When it's meant to be it's meant to be. And nothing will stop it from happening, trust me.

It's almost like getting hit by a lightening bolt.
( 7 Spoke — Speak )

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